Published May 8, 2008
From the grasp of frost the riders came,
Like earth-bound hail, descending rain.
Plains of green they put to waste.
Forests smoldered with unworldly haste.
Seas were drained and mountains razed.
From works of beauty, did they graze.
All before and all affront
Were tossed aside in endless hunt.
Not beast, but logic did they mount.
And so they rode, minds free of doubt.
So as their kinsman walked on feet,
They strode ahead, clad in conceit
They beat their homeland to the ground,
Until it expired, a blackened mound.
And only then, did they see,
The price they paid, the endless fee.
So from existence, they were pried.
Peace returned, as Earth's plight died.
Now hear this riddle, set afree,
I tell the tale of humanity.
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141,439 Literary Works • 674,452 Reviews
Simply Epic. But i dont recall hearing about an event such as this
Thanks for the comments. I adedd an extra staza that should take care of any confusion.
Hmm, J.C Belding I can't decide if i like this or not, one thing it does have some great word choice, but you tell us something. The first rule of poetry is show not tell. i don't truly understand this poem. It's well and quite beautiful, but it just a story doesn't grab us:
This last bit causes a halt it doesn't help the flow rather it weakens it.You rhyming doesn't seem to forced but the flow is stricken and damaged because of the first stanza.
Overall: A nice try, but try and involve us in the story, not just tell us. Show us.
Good luck
VSN
From the grasp of frost the riders came,
Like earth-bound hail, (enter?)
descending rain.
Seas were drained and mountains razed.
From works of beauty, (enter?)
did they graze.
Not beast, but logic did they mount.
And so they rode, (enter?)
minds free of doubt.
So as their kinsman walked on feet,
They strode ahead, (enter?)
clad in conceit
They beat their homeland to the ground,
Until it expired, (enter?)
a blackened mound.
And only then, did they see,
The price they paid, (enter?)
the endless fee.
So from existence, they were pried.
Peace returned, (enter?)
as Earth's plight died.
Very discriptive.
Nice work.
Um..I'm not sure if you should enter or not but it looks-to me-better if you do.